Happiest day of my life

Today a genie came down from the sky and asked what two things I wanted in life. Obviously, I replied that (1) I would like Kate Walsh to be single again, as she obviously belongs with me and (2) that Jennifer Aniston also return my love her her by posing for GQ.

And that genie sure worked his/her/its magic. That, or Santa came early this year because my wish list is quickly being filled.

Wish 1: Kate Walsh

E Online reports that Kate's husband wants a divorce in an article.

Meanwhile my personal publication, B Offline, reports that I am single, available, and most certainly the perfect match for Kate. Don't worry you'll all get invites to the wedding — and tickets for Private Practice tapings, anyone?

Wish 2: Jennifer Aniston

Oh, how I love Jennifer Aniston. She's hilarious. And gorgeous. And has the best/most adorable facial expressions which the NYT Magazine shared with us last week:















And now Jen is gracing the cover of GQ for next month…nude. Okay, so I'm not going all frat-boy and *insert inappropriate reference to last week's 'SNL' digital short* just at the sight of slightly covered breasts and exposed thighs. Come on, I can't be a womanizer unless I'm talking about B. Spears! I just love that J.A. - just a few weeks before Marley and Me (you know, that cute movie my little brother wants to see?) is released - is baring it all.

























But now my jealousy is kicking in:





























What?!? And I can't be one of those models?? I mean, I already have the Lion King-esque hip tattoo so I should be a shoo in.

So, there ya go. A glimpse into my testosterone-filled brain for a second. If you're looking for something a little more estrogen-based, find Meryn and remind her that Ashton Kutcher will be here tomorrow.

—B. James Stewart