Thursday, October 28, 2010


What's the best part about Halloween? Getting toothbrushes from your dentist neighbor? Realizing that every kid on the block has copied your Edward Cullen costume? The Exorcist chick getting a little too close to you in the haunted corn maze? Enough questions, the best part of Halloween is the excuse to watch completely graphic, twisted, psychotic horror movies, duh. Any other month besides October is just plain awkward to watch scary movies. (Who watches Paranormal Activity in February?) But everyone’s already seen every good scary movie out there, (You mean you haven’t seen Saw 3?) So in celebration for All Hallows Eve, I’ve accumulated the top five cheesiest scary movies to pop in the blue ray to get your terror on. Read on if you dare…

5. KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE (1988): Everybody hates clowns. They are the opposite of Raymond. (Insert laugh track here) And the title of a killer clown from outer space shrieks out pure terror. But when you throw in atrocious special effects, cheesy 80’s soundtracks, and the dude who plays Dean Wormer in Animal House as the skeptic local Sherriff, killer klowns become kute and kuddily. While the title basically gives away the plot, just listen to the voice over in this trailer for everything you need to know.

4. HALLOWEEN 3: SEASON OF THE WITCH (1982): Michael Myers is the epitome of Halloween. He is hands down the scariest bastard alive. His mask is an inside out William Shatner from Star Trek mask, that reeks of pure fear. He is the face of the Halloween franchise. So can someone please tell me what the hell the producers of Halloween 3 were thinking when they completely left poor Michael out of the third installment of the greatest Halloween movie series ever? Even when you take away the fact that Michael isn’t in the movie, you’re still left with the plot that revolves around children’s masks that possess kids to kill people. This movie would even make Michael cringe.

3. THE GINGERDEAD MAN (2005): The-I mean-what? Gingerdead what? And did I just see Gary Busey shoot up a diner? Dude, just watch the trailer. (“What is it?” “Well it sure ain’t the #%$^& Pillsbury Doughboy!”)

2. LEPRECHAUN: IN THE HOOD (2000): It was hard to just choose one flick out of the Leprechaun series, but Leprechaun: In The Hood is just too much. Shout out to Ice-T, who probably got his role on Law & Order SVU just from keeping it together as his character Mack Daddy O'Nassas during filming. (Sidenote, if you loved Leprechaun: In The Hood, you’ll love Leprechaun: Back 2 Tha Hood!) Here’s what should’ve been the trailer to this movie.

1. Troll 2 (1990): Just because it features the single greatest climatic scene in cinematic history. Enjoy.

Evan Clark

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