Sunday, February 22, 2009

the oscar meyer weiner awards

hello all-

if you're like me, you watch the oscars to see celebrities be totally unpredictable. aside from the little men whose jobs it is to wave at the winners and give them the "wrap it up" signals, there really aren't any rules. the winners get caught up in their wins and forget their mother's names and lose control of their bowels. the losers feel like cutting their lover's jugular just as the camera has panned to them to see them feign a reaction that validates the person who stole their golden man. in any case, it makes for great t.v.

another reason why i watch the oscars is to see the fashion. i always enjoy predicting which women will fire their stylists tomorrow morning because of how the blogs and tabloids reacted to their dresses (because who cares about what men wear, anyway? tuxes are all the same, except for tom ford's and calvin klein's...because they are always smashing). 

in case you missed the show, here are the lucky few to take home a statue:
best actress in a supporting role: penelope cruz (vicki cristina barcelona)
best actor in a supporting role: heath ledger (the dark knight)
best original screenplay: milk
best adapted screenplay: slumdog millionaire
best animated feature film: wall-e
best short film: le maison en petits cubes
best art direction: the curious case of benjamin button
best costume design: the dutchess
best makeup: the curious case of benjamin button
best cinematography: slumdog millionaire
best short film: spiezeugland (toyland)
best documentary feature: man on wire
best documentary short: smile pinki
best visual affects: the curious case of benjamin button
best sound editing: the dark knight
best sound mixing: slumdog millionaire
best film editing: slumdog millionaire
best music (score): slumdog millionaire
best music (song): slumdog millionaire
best foreign language film: departures
best directing: slumdog millionaire
best actress in a leading role: kate winslet (the reader)
best actor in a leading role: sean penn (milk)
best picture: slumdog millionaire


first of all, DIANE LANE: could you please hold your husband's hand? or look at him? give us something to remind ourselves that you two coexist?

moving on...
we've got a variety of colors on these women but most of the dresses have the same sweetheart or strapless cut across the chest and are relatively long in length. some bold colors here and there (freida pinto, amanda seyfried, heidi klum) but we can also see some paler colors, which might be celebrity's way of acknowledging us townspeople and our "economic crisis." as much as i hate to give them to her, props to miley cyrus (i just threw up a bit) for going balls to the wall in her dress choice and having it pay off. her stylist will live to see another day. props also go to sarah jessica parker (my idol) for never failing to rock a ballet length princess dress in a beautiful light green shade. finally, my compliments to ms. sasha fierce herself, beyonce, for being able to recognize a fabulous and foward-thinking print. 

the worst dressed goes to:

TILDA SWINTON! my dear, i can't see your svelte shape in these haphazardly bows on your shoulder and hips. plus, you look bored as shit.

SOPHIA LOREN! get a grip. you're a mess. bad color, bad hair, bad necklace, bad ruffles. just bad. 

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