Saturday, November 1, 2008

Dear VH1

Hey, Video Hits 1!
Or, I guess that's what you used to be called. Whatever, that can be saved for another story (wink wink).

Anyway, I'm writing to you because I'm a fan, and I love trashtastic trainwreck TV just as much as the next person. My roommates and I are known to quote Flavor of Love on many occassions, and we did all watch the premiere of I Love Money together over a gourmet dinner (read: Pokey Sticks, Hy-Vee brand popcorn, and Snickers). Seriously - when I'm procrastinating all of my photojournalism assignments, there is nothing more satisfying than sitting on the couch and watching 8 hours of a Charm School marathon. No joke.

But, alas, things are starting to get out of hand. Case in point:

Now, does she REALLY deserve her own show? Sure, she was spurned by that suave casanova Bret Michaels, but come on VH1 - don't give in to her demands!

Daisy of Love (was that really the best you could do? really?) is a spinoff of a spinoff of a spinoff of a spinoff. In fact, on the Wikipedia page for your "Celebreality" shows, I found the words "spinoff" or "spun off" or some variant a total of 8 times, and that doesn't count either season of I Love New York or Rock of Love, which aren't listed as spinoffs, but DERRR. They are.

To be fair, your sister, MTV, hit a lower low when it aired That's Amore!, following the romantic follies of Tila Tequila reject Domenico - which wasn't even enjoyable, it was just annoying. But, my dear friend, you know you'll feel bad for some lame dude that gets his "heart broken" by Ms. De La Hoya, and thus another spinoff will join the ranks of Real Chance of Love. I know the writers' strike was hard, but this getting ridiculous. TV can only handle one skank seeking love, and the aforementioned Ms. Tequila has already claimed the spot. I think this plastic-surgeried face sums up my emotions right now:
So, VH1, I don't know what to do with you. I'll probably watch Daisy, but only because it will be a last resort to save me from my homework. I'm glad you finally found a niche market, but when you killed off music videos, did you have to take my intelligence with you?

Your friend,

p.s. Keep the ANTM marathons coming, though, no matter what you do.

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