It's me, Jarrett. I know we haven't talked in a long time. Times are tough. The economy, terrorist attacks in Mumbai, fast-approaching entrance into the real world... it's not a very cheery holiday season. That's why I need a boost, a special present that would bring joy back into my bleak existence. I'm talking about Zubaz pants.
You see Santa, I have been single for a while now. I lack companionship. If I wear Zubaz pants, the girls will see how confident and stylish I am and totally want a Dr. Tounge appointment. They'll think, wow, someday he'll wear those pants to our son's high school football game and yell explicatives to the referee, and it'll be hot. That's my man, she'll think. That's my dad, my son will think, as he goes 12-19 for 198 yds. and 3 tds. Great game management son. Great comfort management, Zubaz. It's a class of gentleman unparalleled by modern fashion.
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